A Rose By Any Other Name

Or things that I would like to have named after me.

Thanks to a preschool friend, I’ve already had one namesake in my short life. I still think of little brown Connie the guinea pig frequently and fondly.

I’ve already gone the pet route, so here are a few more things that I would love to share a name with (or not).


Yes, Please:

Rose: It’s easy enough to get a rose named after you if you have the money, but ever since watching Mrs. Miniver, having a rose named after me personally by the cultivator has been on my bucketlist. Which is amazing, given that a bucketlist may be the one list I’ve never bothered to keep. Bonus, the man who plays the cultivator, Mr. Ballard, also plays Clarence the angel in It’s a Wonderful Life (actor Henry Travers, for the curious).
It’s almost that I just want Henry Travers to be my friend, except it’s not. I want a rose named after me. Hit me up, David Austin.

Child: This is a significant one- having a name as a human has a much greater impact than having a name as a rose (I imagine: I’ve never actually asked a rose). Constance was at times hard to grow up with, but every name is in some way and I really do love it now. Most importantly, if someone thought I was a worthy namesake for their child, someone who embodied their hopes and dreams for their little one… well, that would be incredibly touching.

Boat: If we can’t have Boaty McBoatface a ship named Constance or Constanza would be pretty nice, no? Sailing across the sea’s broad back on the Serene Constanza.


No, Thank You:

Food: I do like dreaming up recipes, but the idea of having something named after me be masticated and digested is a bit skin-crawlingly creepy.

Building: It’s too easy to dislike a building. And I don’t feel a lot of affinity for them. Hospitals are the very worst because people have some of the worst experiences in them. The only exception for me would be a house that I had lived in, like those old estates named after their previous owners, and even then only my family name.

Animal Species: Don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but being responsible for an entire species would be stressful and overwhelming. I have a hard enough time being responsible for my own behavior.



Star (or other celestial body): Like a rose, it’s easy enough to pay your way to having a star named after you, but I’d rather be friendly with a scientist who likes my name (or, you know, me as a person). I always think of the Dragon Tales episode where Ord is brave and gets a star- I’m not sure if that piques or diminishes my interest in this one.

Element: It would be cool to discover an element and have it named after me, like Curie and Einstein… but that would likely involve exposure to a lot of radiation.

Street: Sure, why not? But I would want a pretty street. I can’t imagine what I would do that would inspire a city to name a street after me. I also can’t imagine that I’m particularly interested in being the type of civically active person who gets a street named after them.

Clothing or Accessory Item: Introducing the Constance wedding dress/handbag/lipstick. Yeah, maybe. Again, I would want it to be pretty. And I would want to know that it was being manufactured responsibly without significant ecological damage or testing on animals. Basically, I would want to micromanage everything.

Storm: YES, this would be badass. Basically, I would have put this in the ‘Yes’ category except that storms can kill people. And weirdly, because if it weren’t a storm named after me it would be a storm named after someone else, that doesn’t quite bother me. But I feel like it should bother me, so I put this one down as a ‘Maybe’. And I’m imagining people glaring at me:
Me: ‘Hi, yes, my name is Connie’


Perfume: Except that I have defined tastes so I might (definitely) micromanage. But if a perfumer were interested in working with me to create something that would be exciting.

Drink: So I don’t really drink. But drinks are neat. So why not?

Horse Race (or a Race Horse): Take your pick. Queen Elizabeth II has a horse race named after her, so why not me? (Other than that I’m not the Queen of England). And there have been racehorses in the past named for a brain surgeon (Dr. Fager), Omar Khayyam, and many others.

Song: Mmm, probably, unless it’s a very poor song, a song about how awful I am (breakup song, anyone?), or composed by a stalker who sits there strumming it outside my window every night.


When it comes down to it, I think the most important thing about having something named after you is your relationship with the one doing the naming- which is why I’m so averse to companies that you can pay to use your name- whether it be for a star, a rose, or a sandwich.

What most appeals to me about it is the feeling of ‘Wow, here is something that this person I care about loves, and because they love me too, they named it after me. In this person’s mind, I am someone they want to be reminded of when they see something they created, discovered, or are proud of.’

It’s really a very lovely sentiment.

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