Random Thoughts: The Little Mermaid

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Legs may be required for jumping and dancing, but I feel like Ariel would be gratified to know that these days humans are using contraptions like these, and other fin type things, to get around more efficiently underwater. (Diving fins would not have been available when The Little Mermaid took place).

To lie and pretend that this is a list, rather than a random rant, I’m adding bullet points.

  • “Flipping your fins you don’t get to far”? What in hell are you talking about Ariel? Fins are great for swimming around. You must be using them wrong. That would explain why you’re so willing to exchange them for legs. I mean, is a mermaid not the best, most kick ass thing to be?
    She’s like, “Noooo, I want to be human, hoopty hoopty hoo”.
    We have to pay taxes Ariel, taxes!
  • And of course you can get far with a combination of fins and water. All of the oceans of the world are connected (which you cannot say of all of the land in the world). And then the parts that aren’t connected are freshwater and can mermaids even do freshwater?  Ariel focuses all of her exploring on humanity and wreckage. The oceans have reefs and freakish deep sea vents. They have sea turtles and fucking giant squids! Why doesn’t she explore the world? When she’s human and suddenly realizes how difficult it is to get anywhere by foot (and then her song will change to how really all along she wanted to be an airplane) it will be too late.
    Scuttle the seagull knows what’s up. Seagulls.
  • I want to see a Little Mermaid where Ariel wants to travel the oceans of the world and see every sea there is to be seen (you have no idea how many tries that took me to type) and King Trident is trying to get her to stay home and safe out of Finding Nemo-esque parental concern.
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