Versailles Checklist: Being a French Basic

It would have been great if I had managed to get this post up before buying and carrying around my first baguette, because that would have been on the list.
But I took my baguette on its maiden voyage a few hours ago, and in the interest of journalistic integrity I am unwilling to pretend otherwise.

But there are a few other things that seem like essential ‘living in France rites of passage’.