I’m going to be honest, this is more of a rant/potential overreaction in response to a perceived injustice.
Perceived injustice in the form of something a friend/classmate said that I found both a) hurtful, b) thoughtless, and c) pretty damn problematic.
So definitely one of the lesser injustices in the world, but still something that raised a lot of feelings for me, which am now going to get off of my chest.
The remark was something along the lines of stating that pregnancy= peak femininity. At know time in a woman’s life is she more truly a “woman” than when she is with child.
Okay, my problems with that statement first, and then a list of ways I think we can be EVEN MORE FEMININE.
- A lot of women cannot, in fact, get pregnant. A lot of women feel broken, less than, and incomplete because they can not give birth to the children they desire (or that society has conditioned them to see as the defining purpose of their lives). Many women feel like failures if they have infertility issues.
I may be one of these women. For medical reasons, its quite possible that I won’t be fertile. I love children, and despite my fear of being a terrible mother and the pain of natural childbirth, having a baby is something I would really love to be in my future (witness my obsession with baby names, children’s books, and all manner of miniature person paraphernalia).
The takeaway here is- many women can’t have children and that doesn’t make them and less female.
- Defining the epitome of femininity as pregnancy- something kind of passive in that it is done to a woman by a man- is an issue for me. It’s a really reductive view of what it means to be a woman- i.e. to be a baby-making machine, an oven for a bun, a brood mare, (your analogy here). There is so much more to being a human woman than passing on your genes and prolonging the species. And I’m not talking about boobs either. It’s just such a dull view of what women can be. So biological, so without choice, so impersonal, so f*cking traditional and… medieval.
- Which brings me to I guess my last point, which is that society has conditioned women to see childbearing and motherhood as their final purpose, their definition, their ultimate test for hundreds if not thousands of years. It’s 2018. The idea of womanhood and femininity really needs to expand beyond basic biological processes to include all of the different things that womanhood and/or femininity (because anyone can be feminine, not only women- it’s a gender rather than sex thing) has to offer. There are so many different ways to be feminine. So many different life paths you can take. Deciding not to have children, being unable to have children, having an unconventional pregnancy or path to motherhood does not mean you’re not feminine or not a woman.
So here are some suggestions on alternative ways to reach peak femininity, that don’t involve getting knocked up. Or a penis. Or subjecting your body to drastic changes. Or a huge life choice that may or may not be what you want for yourself.
- Take female-specific multivitamins.
I have never felt more feminine that when popping a One-A-Day Women’s. Not sponsored.
- Watch a chickflick.
Do you self-identify as a chick? Is this a film you like? Then it’s a chickflick. Get it, girl.
You know, I can’t even do this anymore. I was googling ‘how to be feminine for more ideas that I could subvert, but they’re also a irritating, contradictory, and offensive that I can’t even complete this list.
Here are some favorites though:
- Speak softly/learn to be shy (but also cool and be outspoken)
No lie these four are all on the same list.
- Smell good.
Not like a smelly man.
- Don’t cut your hair.
After multivitamins, looking like Samara from The Ring has always made me feel particularly ladylike and attractive.
- Avoid arguments.
Well, failed that one.
But can we also just recognize that this disqualifies SO MANY AMAZING WOMEN WHO ARE KNOWN FOR THE THINGS THAT THEY’VE DONE AND THEIR OPINIONS AS OPPOSED TO THEIR LOOKS AND BREATHY VOICES?
Yeah, bye Rosa Parks.
And don’t even get me started on the angry black woman not fitting the ideal vision of femininity because I’m already going to explode.
- BUT DON’T FORGET: BE YOU AND LOVE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE
Yes, this is on the same list. Excuse me while I go jump in a lake.
I just looked at another list thinking of continuing but there’s so much more and I’m getting keyed up. It’s 8:30 am on Sunday and I’m calling it quits.
It’s funny how when there are huge systemic problems involved you can never actually success in getting your frustration off your chest because there’s just more and more and more and more.
Let’s just roll right in…
Happy Friday! I have the day off, which is many kinds of wonderful (not least because I get to go out and buy a pastry and check some travel guide out from the library and maybe find a waterproof pair of boots.)
(You know, the real problem is that I just want these ten year old riding boots to be new again, or to find a pair of Chelsea boots that are pretty similar. But the Vogue right now seems to be for combat boots or boots that are combat-adjacent so I’m having some trouble).
- Collider (one of my favorite youtube channels on the film industry, frequently mentioned on the blog) doesn’t usually discuss anime, but Emma’s here to decode some common visual tropes and gags.
- More things I’ve learned from my amazing and diverse ISIPCA classmates? Dan from Australia taught me about ‘Firehawk’ raptors, which spread bushfires to flush out their prey.
- There’s a Star Wars-themed Creperie in Paris. The dishes are named after the planets by which they were inspired. Not at all vegan-friendly, but I’m so amused.
- I know I hate on GP’s goop, but this is actually a pretty good article about how our negativity is in many ways an adaptive strategy, a self-defense mechanism to protect us from past threats- and so a lot of negativity may no longer really be necessary (and may actually be counterproductive) to leading happy lives. I know I sound super woo woo so I’ll stop, but it does resonate with a lot of what I’ve observed and thought re: my own negativity and cynicism.
But yeah, no, I only skimmed the article.
- What do I really want? Continuing to love Mari Andrew’s illustrations.
- Also Poorly Drawn Lines’s send up of this classic Lion King scene.
- Screen Junkies (another favorite youtube channel on the film industry) presents their annual Screens awards for the best and worst in movies and television.
- Unforgettable movie style moments. Some (Keira Knightley’s green Atonement dress) would definitely be on my own list (which, hey, will maybe happen someday).
- I hope you made it through Blue Monday (the most depressing day of the year, apparently) okay. If you’re still feeling a bit of residual down-ness, here are some lovely feel-good movie dance scenes. I still always listen to Dancing Queen when I need a boost. I have to say I think Moses Supposes from Singin’ in the Rain is actually more feel good than the title song, but whatever. Again, maybe this is a moment when a personal list is needed.
- You’ve heard of the KonMari Method. Maybe you’ve even partaken in some Swedish death cleaning (I’m only 22 and I know I have. One needs to be prepared)- now t’s time for the hot decluttering trend of 2018: American Apocalypse Purging.
- Another anticipated 2018 film (see earlier post): Love, Simon.
- I watched I, Tonya and thought it was pretty good (Blades of Glory is still the best figure skating film), but you know what I’d love to see? A film about figure skating legend Surya Bonaly. Because a backflip is almost as difficult as the Iron Lotus.
- The mindset of men and women re: sex and during sex itself, and how this influences the way women write about sex. A really interesting read.
- A very cogently written account of the issues with Guillermo del Toro’s The Shape of Water. It’s always brilliant when you find an article that explains your gut feelings. Beautiful film, serious problems.
- There’s a Colette film coming! Keira Knightley’s going to star! I’m not sure those two go together! But I love both separately!
- On Aziz Ansari and sexual assault vs sexual coercion: I don’t believe sexual coercion is sexual assault. But it’s not exactly enthusiastic consent either. I don’t think it’s too much to ask men to interpret mixed signals, particularly when sexual violence against women is so common and fear of the consequences of refusal is so real.
- If becoming a perfumer doesn’t work out, maybe I can go into gourmet ice cream.
Happy New Year’s (Eve) depending on where you are!
This is the last selection of links for the year of 2017, and it’s a blessedly short one.
Do you have New Year’s plans? It’s been bitterly cold here in Boston and will continue to be so tonight, so my evening looks like a cuddly warm stay at home affair. If I manage to stay up past 9:30. Jet lag. It’s still real.
TEN DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!
I’m so ready.
Here’s what’s happening:
I changed my desktop background (finally!). I was feeling the need for something pink and fluffy with unrealistic eyelashes.
I woke up too early for no reason so here’s a links post, on time for once!
- I’ve started following French Vogue online and I’m really enjoying their “Sunday with…” series. Credit to the Jeanne Damas one for introducing me to this song.
- Love this Classic Film Club idea. I’ve seen most of the film noir on the list, but this selection of Japanese film noir is completely new to me and really peaking my interest! Where to start?
- The Marrying Mr. Darcy board game. Because it is a truth universally acknowledged, etc…
Truly I have mixed feelings, but I’m curious.
- The trailer for “A Quiet Place“. Spooky. I like.
- The structural inequality within the comedy industry. “The solution is putting people in positions of power who are not male, not straight, not cisgender, not white. This is not taking something away unfairly — it is restoring opportunities that have been historically withheld.”
- You’ve heard of latte art, but how about smoothie art?
- My chosen candidate for the 2020 presidential election.
- My nihilistic sense of humor strikes again, but this time with cats. Super relatable.
- The pajama trend has been taken to its only logical conclusion and we can all go home now.
- The subtle misogyny of male incompetence. I’m surrounded by idiots.
- In at least 34 cases, unusually long Postal Service delays resulted in rejections of DACA applications.
- Choosing a different sperm donor is choosing a different child and a different future. What surprised this couple about their experience.
- I’m sorry, Blake Shelton isn’t even Gwen Stefani’s sexiest husband.
- Karen Brit Chick (who you completely should follow, I’m in love with her) on her favorite vintage shops in NYC. Saving this for my next trip.
- Deadpool mixed with Bob Ross. What’s not to love?
- Honestly it is not Teen Vogue’s time. It’s more relevant now than ever and I wish it had been in my time the politically active and interesting publication that it has been for the past year or so.
Sorry for using up all of your free NYT articles!