Links Friday: Not So Much

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Again a pretty light Friday but at least it’s actually a Friday this time!
The Kentucky Derby is tomorrow and I went to the beach twice this week, as it’s the only reasonable place to be when the weather is over 80 degrees.  And I finished Middlemarch this morning.  Very exciting.

And say to my new beluga desktop background.

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Friday Links: 4/1

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I’m weirdly exhausted by life/final exams/the sporadically broken heating system in this  house. But I have a backlog of links and they’re all exciting so there’s no putting them off any longer.

And because it’s a new month, the picture above is my new desktop background. Set to tile, as per usual. People swimming in a sea of stars.

What else? 19 days. So close yet so far.

  • Reviews of Wes Anderson’s Isle of Dogs. I’m still pumped because I like Wes Anderson (and dogs), but it sounds like there are some pretty ishy us vs them components.  Won’t be seeing it in the theater. Here’s a review from MovieBob and here is a deeper plunge into the problematic nature of the Japanese setting, the estrangement from the Japanese human characters created by the language barrier,  cultural tourism, and the white savior complex.
  • The movies that influenced Call Me By Your Name. Be right back, adding ALL OF THEM to my list. (Except A Room With A View- I honestly didn’t love that).
  • Other things I’m adding to my film list? These twisted fairy tales (from female directors).
  • A trailer for The House With a Clock in it’s Walls– speaking of twisted fairy tales. Cate Blanchett! Luscious steam-punk-y visuals! Jack Black doing his character actor thing! Creepy! Childlike! I’m kind of tentatively intrigued. Post-Jumanji, is Jack Black due for a resurgence?
  • A discussion of Saoirse Ronan’s costumes for the film Brooklyn, and the deeper meaning behind them. So interesting (and a great film, if you haven’t yet seen it).

Let’s talk about perfume:

  • Five fabulous orange blossom scents, courtesy of Angela at Now Smell This. Of these, the Serge Lutens is my favorite, but I would add Rubj by Vero Profumo to the list if I could. (And on the more gourmand side, Hansa Yellow by DSH and Unknown Pleasures by Kerosene).
  • Carlos Benaim (love) and Frederic Malle on their new lavender-focused fragrance, Music For a While.
  • Hermes releases a new cologne. Unfortunately I missed the Saut Hermes (a jumping tournament at the Grand Palais), but here’s a photo.
  • If you’re feeling science-y (I always am) here’s a study that shows evidence of significant interactions between perfumes and individual body odor.  The takeaway: “The odor mixture of an individual’s body odor and their preferred perfume was perceived as more pleasant than a blend of the same body odor with a randomly-allocated perfume, even when there was no difference in pleasantness between the perfumes. This indicates […] that people choose perfumes that interact well with their own odor. Our results provide an explanation for the highly individual nature of perfume choice.” So cool.

Fashion and celebrity people:

  • Lena Waithe is amazing and I love her style and attitude.
  • Bill Cunningham’s secret memoir. When can I read it?
  • I know I’m late, but in honor of spring (and Easter) some floral looks from Moschino’s S/S 2018 RTW collection: and 2.

Relationships?

  • The maternal grandparent advantage. Rings true for my family (although that also has something to do with geographic proximity). And congratulations Mom and Dad, you are likely to be more involved with my future children than my future parents in law!
  • Your friendship Myers-Briggs. As an INFJ, apparently I’m a bandaid and I’ll take it.
  • For work relationships. I’m living vicariously through the drama of this twitter thread.
  • In old age, shoplifting to find community. Heartbreaking.

Books and other tidbits

  • I saw this adorable kid’s maze book at the Museum of Modern Art in Paris. It reminds me of an immense Sesame Street board book I once had. But rather more portable.
  • Mari Andrew’s book is out! Love her illustrations and down to earth wisdom.
  • Another reason to go home for the summer? Archery tag.
  • A French waiter in Canada says firing for rudeness is discrimination against his culture. He’s not wrong.
  • If you’re not a fan of the lack of privacy re: data and personal info online, console yourself with the fact that if you ever disappear in a national park, amateurs can keep looking for you for decades. But it’s actually a very interesting, well-written article.

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Not-So-Friday Links

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I’m mid-viewing of There Will Be Blood and mid-studying after a kind of abortive trip to Paris.  Never trust weather.com when it predicts no precipitation. Always bring your umbrella.  Because if you don’t it will rain in the morning and snow in the afternoon.

  • The top Welsh names in Wales.  There’s something intriguing about Welsh names- from the enigmatic (to me) spelling and pronunciation to the Lord of the Rings- vibes.  Not to mention names like Angharad and Gwilym- characters from one of my favorite films, How Green Was My Valley.
  • Speaking of movies- an enjoyably extra idea for creating memorable movie nights for the family- themed invitations and menus.
  • Remembering Hubert de Givenchy, a brilliant couturier and the designer most associated with Audrey Hepburn‘s rise as a sartorial star.
  • This movie looks insane-in-a-good-way. Also excited to see Lakeith Stanfield in another role post-Get Out.
  • I would watch a Jared Kushner musical.
  • A visually beautiful article about the production of roses for Chanel No. 5. Via my Mom. (Also, I’ve been to Pegomas just this year!)
  • Am I the only person who’s thought about what I want done with my body when I eventually and inevitably kick the bucket? This natural burial ground in Tennessee is actually closest to what I’ve imagined.  Except god forbid my final resting place be Tennessee.
  • Surprise surprise: A huge MIT study finds that fake news stories are much more likely to spread and go ‘viral’ than real news stories on Twitter. Kind of expected but no less scary for that.
  • Having never been married and having no children of my own, I can’t realistically vouch for any of this advice- but I do like it.
  • The mysteriously adorable allure of maternity overalls.
  • Are intimately subtle, barely there perfumes having a renaissance?
  • Taking down the single versus spoken for binary. “Does the idea that people have to “love” — or simply feel any specific way about being single — give the concept of romantic attachment too much power?”
  • This French food waste law is changing how grocery stores approach excess food.

Friday Links 11/17

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I woke up too early for no reason so here’s a links post, on time for once!

Sorry for using up all of your free NYT articles!

“Me Too”: Confused Thoughts

If you’re on Facebook you’ve probably seen the ‘me too’ posts flooding your newsfeed in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein sexual assault/harassment scandals (as well and a handful of similar scandals that have taken place recently).

I’m of course proud of the people around me for speaking out and identifying themselves as victims or sexual harassment/other bad behavior.

And of course, me too.  Obviously. Most of us. All of us. And some men as well, though I guess less frequently, because so much of this is predicated on a system of male dominance.

I’m afraid of talking about this in such a cis-het way. As though we’re only talking about women experiencing harassment and abuse at the hands of men.  But let’s say that that’s what I’m talking about, and that I’m well aware that there are many other experiences that fall outside of that pattern. And that those experiences are no less genuine, no less valid, and no less terrible.

“If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem. “

This is what we’re talking about.
And by “give people a sense”, by people we mean men. Because me too. Because all of us.
How do men not realize this yet? Why does it fall on women again and again to beg men to treat us like people? To take these problems seriously?
I’m really tired of it. I’m tired of posting about being sexually harassed. Sexually assaulted.  I got tired when I messaged my guy friend every time I was sexually harassed a few years ago, multiple times a day, to help him understand ‘the magnitude of the problem’.
I’m tired of women having to expose their traumas just so a ‘critical mass’ of collective harm can be observed and evaluated for its legitimacy and merits by men and the system that is so damaging to us.

Why is this necessary? Why is it falling on women to identify themselves as survivors and victims to start a conversation? So men can care about their sister, their mother, the girl in their class- because they don’t respect women as a whole, in the abstract? Because they didn’t believe that this was such a pervasive problem? How hard are they trying not to listen? How is it so easy for men to escape from the reality that is my daily life, the daily life of my friends, the daily life of all women.

If everyone (men, those in power, larger institutions like churches, the government, and schools) held aggressors accountable for their actions, this type of status wouldn’t be “necessary.”
Instead I see people I who have harassed me at parties or on the street, liking my friends’ statuses when they post “me too”. I listen to guys that I’m just getting to know speak about other women as though they were meet and then try to understand how they can think of me as a friend when I’m no different than she.

It’s not what I wear. It’s not that I’m flirtatious. It’s not that I’m asking for it. It’s not that I’m leading him on.

I was gardening in my yard in sweatpants and a large sweater. It was because I was outside. It’s because I was visible.

I was in middle school and sitting in my car with the window up.

I was walking to class.

I was in fourth grade, swinging at the playground.

I was just trying to get off the bus.

I was just trying to get on the bus.

I was just trying to be alive.

You say that you would love all of the ‘me too’ statuses to be your female friends acknowledging that they feel safe and secure in this world.
Wouldn’t we all? What are you doing about it?

I’m tired of the silence.

I want to see men calling their friends out on all of the problematic shit they say. Because when I do it, it doesn’t matter. I want to see people supporting transwomen. Because it’s not enough to love yourself when a system is trying to do you violence. I want women of color to feel safe. I want rapists of all races to be more fearful of the law than innocent POCs. I want cat callers and train pervs to be glared at the way some people glare at gay couples.

I want to see men, people in power, anyone and everyone who is complicit in this system to experience one ounce of the frustration and pain that women have to deal with every day. To call it out because when we do it doesn’t make a difference. And it won’t until someone decides that we actually matter. That our voices have a sound worth being heard.

Otherwise all of these ‘me too’s are nothing.

I’m frustrated to see people I love begging a deaf system to protect them from a problem it is trying to ignore. I’m tired of nothing changing.

So if you see that someone isn’t posting a ‘me too’, don’t assume they haven’t experiences sexual assault. Survivors don’t owe you their story.
And the responsibility to make a change should not be on survivors and victims. It should be shifted to the people whose actions or whose silence perpetuate this violence and allow it to occur.

But one last time, please. Me too. Please help and please listen. Please recognize that even if you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

  • Practice telling your friends that what they’re saying isn’t right, isn’t cool, isn’t okay.
  • Not only friends. Family too. And randos.
  • Consider that women might be telling the truth when they claim to be victims of sexual aggression. And be compassionate.
  • Don’t judge people for their appearance/gender presentation/sexuality.
  • Don’t treat women as targets to be gotten.
  • Don’t try to get a woman to listen up with alcohol or drugs.
  • Don’t continue making physical advances when a woman isn’t into it.
  • Rape jokes aren’t funny.
  • Capitalizing on the comparative powerlessness of women isn’t okay. Whether you are in a position of authority or are stronger than she is. Stop.
  • If you’re walking behind a woman who is walking alone, particularly when it’s late- slow down. Or even cross the street.
  • Also just don’t follow someone because you think she’s pretty? I was listening to a guy say that he was doing this without realizing the other day because he loved her perfume (#ISIPCA). He thought it was funny and I thought of all the times I’ve had men following me and had to think about whether I was in a populated area, whether I should grab my keys, whether his footsteps sounded like the footsteps of someone I could outrun.
  • Respect us. Listen to us. Recognize your power to help. Recognize your responsibility.

Friday Links 10/6

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I forgot to show you my October desktop last time!

Last Friday in America: 9/8

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Fuck, that’s scary.

Lots of links, though! Continue reading “Last Friday in America: 9/8”